Paper Lanterns
by Link Worshiper
Summary: She may have been able to give him the world, but even with the universe at her feet, there still remains something that Heero needs more than life itself, something Relena could never give him, something hidden away at a place he calls home... 1x2x1 YAOI
1. Angel's Flight

**Paper Lanterns **

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

**Author's Note **Okay, I feel like a rat for keeping you guys waiting for another story, but wait! Before you start chucking rotten foodstuffs in my general direction, hear me out! My poor beautiful laptop has been in the shop for over three months, all my fanfiction projects saved on my baby's hard drive. Needless to say, I've been on the verge of insanity for all that time, especially since I was working on another big 1x2x1 epic for you all! Hah, and you thought Heero had an obsession with _his_ computer. In any case, I've gotten to this point where I just have too many ideas stored up in my head to keep sane. So here's one of those ideas, typed on my crappy desktop computer, to hold you over until I get my baby back. Okay, _now_ you can chase me with the smelly veggies. 

Now for the usual spiel: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor do I own any of Joydrop's lyrics. Sorry for yet _another _song-based story, but this was (yet again) too perfect not to use! Though this is from nasty Relena's POV, it's still a 1x2x1, of course, which mean YAOI!!! Right, so if you're not keen on this couple (why?), don't read it! I won't deal with reviews that bug me about that.  And I'd like to hear your input on this if you could spare time, even if it's only to boost my ego. Sometimes I feel so useless! And I'm sorry that the first chapter kind of bites. I just needed to set things up and an excuse to use the song. ^___^;

Oh yes, and this story is for Ides. It's her fault I'm so obsessed with Joydrop now. Though she probably doesn't even know that her story "Beautiful" had such an impact on poor little me. Anyway, go give that a read if you have a chance. It's worth your while, and not ridiculously long like my stories tend to be. Thanks Ides! 

O^^^O

Part I 

_Angel's Flight_

                "Duo!" 

                He throttled forward from his deathlike sleep, the silky sheets that shrouded his body falling lax to the floor. He was still clad in that ratty green tank top and the faded blue jeans he had been wearing about two and a half ago weeks when the Mariemaia incident finally came to a close. It must have been so hard for him to go through that painful ordeal only to fall dead to the world for nearly a month. Why, I still remember when he fainted completely away to the ground. I swear, if I had not been there to catch him from hitting the floor, he might have hurt himself even more than he already was. I held him for a couple minutes there, sure that he would wake up very soon. He was too strong to be unconscious very long and surely once he had rested in a soft bed for a little bit, he would come around by morning. But minutes ticked by, and still, he did not stir. His heart was thrumming away inside his chest, assuring me that he was not dead and yet, he was pallid and motionless. Minutes lapsed into hours in the cold dark as soldiers and police alike sifted through the hazardous remains of the presidential complex where Barton had set up his headquarters on Earth, my arms always around him to protect him from the chill winter frost, shaking him every now and then like one might a small abused puppy. I didn't even notice the passage of those hours until Lady Une suggested we make our way home. I was too preoccupied with him. This was the closest I had ever come to the boy I had chased from Earth to the stars countless times over. And even if he didn't know I was there, it made me feel contented to tend for him. I could hardly wait for him to awake and find that I had cared for him in his hour of need, despite everything that had ever happened between us. Maybe this would help fill the chasm between us. 

                "Duo," he breathed again, his finely muscled shoulders quivering slightly. I rushed to pull closed the tall window I had opened beside me to air out the stifling room, afraid for his discomfort. I'm not sure if it was being shut up in the little room for so long with him or what that made the air so arid. The strangest thing was that no matter how hot the room seemed to get, every time I laid my hand on his white forehead to check on his body temperature, despite the thin sheen of sweat that slicked his skin, he remained frozen, like he had been lying in an ice filled pond for years and years. Were his heart still not beating like a pump and his flesh damp, I would have mistaken him for a corpse. At least a faint rosy hue was returning to his ashen cheeks now that he was finally awake again. 

_[I'm not what you think I am._

_I'm anything but the picture you've taken._

_If I decide to touch the sky,_

_Don't bring me down._

_It's hard enough.]_

                Oh and now that his eyes had finally snapped open once again, revealing those sharp dark blue orbs of iced glass, and all he could talk about was that… that….

                "Where is he? I have to find him!" Heero glanced around the room warily, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, the gold embossed paneled walls and the light wood furniture. He gazed pointedly at each painting on the wall, examining it as if he were trying to unearth some deeper meaning in the artists' colours, his eyes finally settling upon me where I sat in a red cushioned wing backed chair that I had dragged to the bedside. At least, I thought his eyes had settled on me. Looking closer, posture drooping when I finally realized it, I saw he was staring past me at a large gold-framed mirror that hung on the wall behind me, watching his eyes watch himself. I turned to see what he was so entranced by, the only movement in the shinning surface turning out to be his eyes as they narrowed slightly before widening once more. He spoke again. "What happened to everyone? Duo, Trowa… everyone… where are they?"

                …That damn street whore! I tried not to think about it and just shook my head. This was not how it was supposed to happen! The fantasy I had been playing out in my head for many a night was suddenly splintered to pieces. Where was my kiss, my 'Relena, I love you and I always have,' the tender embrace? I did not want to talk about Duo! I could maybe even bear speaking of the other pilots, perhaps, but not Duo! Anyone but Duo! I could not even begin to tell you what infuriated me so much about the smiling American. He was kind and cheerful enough, and if anything, it was I who gave him the cold shoulder. Perhaps it had something to do with the first time I saw he and Heero together after our first encounter. There was something in the air that one time, something in the way Duo's eyes glinted in the sunlight, in the way Heero watched him, that fingered at an emotion inside I had never experienced before. I later came to describe that emotion as jealousy. I had never had cause to be jealous of anyone before. I usually got what I wanted before I had time to activate such a feeling. 

_[I recognize, in your voice, in your eyes,_

_Something's out there waiting._

_Someone out there knows the score.]_

But for the first time, someone—that someone being Heero—was not so quick to bend to my wishes. I don't know if it was selfish on my part or not to demand such a thing, but I guess I had trouble understanding just why Heero wasn't like every other boy I had met. I could have literally pointed to any other boy I knew and he would stumble over his own feet to do whatever I needed.  But Heero, oh no, not him. First, I could never imagine Heero stumbling over anything—his step is too sure—but even then, he seemed too absorbed in his own world to notice even me. At least, that was the excuse I made up for myself until I came to see the way he noticed Duo. And I think it is that which roused my emotions. He _noticed_ Duo. For crying out loud, I even _saw_ Heero first! I should have been his by default! And yet, he seemed to treat Duo like he was something more. Oh, I don't deny that after a while he noticed me as well, but not in the same way. He noticed me the way he noticed his other friends. I guess he respected me, wanted to work for my ideals and such but… but I just wasn't _special_ or anything. No, the way he noticed Duo was far different. He watched Duo differently, spoke to him with an almost huskier tone, let the little demon touch him and hug him without getting tense and stiff. He spoke to me politely and easily, but that… that _something_ that changed in him around Duo was never there when he was with me. 

"Relena," his deep, slightly nasal monotone roused me from my blank musings. 

"Yes?" I asked him sweetly. Perhaps I had been wrong. Maybe this was his way of leading up to some quiet hidden inner feeling that he—

"What happened?" he asked again. He lethargically raised a hand to his forehead, weaving his long calloused fingers into his dark mahogany painted bangs. He gently massaged his forehead, staring down at his balled up other fist in his lap. "I can't remember a damn thing. I dragged myself out of Wing's cockpit and then I…" I could see the lines of his bones beneath the skin of his hand as he clenched his fingers together against his brow. "…I think I shot the girl and I…." 

"…Fainted," I finished. "You've been asleep for almost a month." I saw this as my time to drop a subtle hint. "A lot has been going on in the world but I haven't left your side since that night when I caught you in my arms." 

His hand fell sharply to his side as he turned that hardened glare in my direction. "What were you doing here?" His voice seemed somewhat poisonous. I had not expected this kind of reaction at all and was a little taken aback by the tone in his speech. This was not the way one should speak to the person who nursed him from near death. "You should be out _there_!" He pointed abruptly to the world that lay outside the nearby window, making me want to take cover behind the long puffy crimson curtains that hung alongside the window's frame. "You should be out there leading the people who look to you for guidance! They are the ones who need you, not _me_! I can take care of myself!" 

I chuckled softly, reaching out to take his limp hand. He jerked it away, glaring at me with that smoldering frown of his. "You don't have to be so strong all the time, Heero," I said quietly. "You shouldn't shut others out of your life, especially the ones who care."

He looked away, the look on his face unreadable. Only he could know what was brewing behind those stormy eyes of his as his gaze fell back to his fisted hands. I wished I could just break that hot shell of pride he was encased in. The fact that he ran from me only made me want to pursue him all the more. As I said, there had never been a person before Heero who had denied me anything. It was almost like a conquest that I was determined to overcome. I needed to know that I had the ability to bend anyone to my cause. He was the one thing I could never quite grasp. He always seemed to dart too quickly amongst the clouds to hide. "Duo," he whispered softly, as if he were speaking to someone who transcended the confined space of that lofty corner bedroom. 

_[All ever really wanted was to fly._

_I'm pissed off with gravity._

_Won't you let me go?_

_I need to fly.]_

I could feel myself flinch at the sound of the name. "Heero, they've all gone. Everyone was so scattered after the chaos, no one was quite sure where to go and what to do. So the best anyone could hope for was to try and start over. My brother took Noin with him to Mars to begin the Terra Forming Project for me. Quatre's gone to take the reins of his father's corporation and Trowa's gone home to his sister and the circus. Wu Fei is working for Sally and Lady Une at Preventers and…." 

"And?" He looked at me hopefully. His expression had melted into an imploring countenance, waiting for me to go on. 

I swallowed and forced myself to speak. "And Duo's gone to L2 with Hilde to help her with her salvage company. Said she needed a mechanic to get business going again." A nervous chuckle escaped my lips. I had never felt my heart rumble in this odd pattern inside my chest before, mounting the strange combination of nervousness, guilt and joy that raced through my veins all at once. I was afraid of how Heero would take this news that he was abandoned by his comrades, feeling guilty that I reveled in this notion that the only one who was with him now was myself, not that the others had not offered to stay as well. After all, I had kind of shooed them all away, insisting that I could care for Heero just fine on my own. The hardest one to get off was that Duo, however. He had asked me multiple times if he could stay behind and help me and even took to hanging out by the estate's gates, waiting for word on Heero's condition. It wasn't until his friend Hilde came along and dragged his thinning frame off the streets to L2 with her. I was pleased when he was finally gone and I feel kind of bad to admit that I hoped that Heero was jealous of the company that Hilde offered his friend. Almost…. 

"Oh," just a quiet, almost sad, reply. An odd silence befell us once again. I stood and offered him my hand, intending to help him downstairs as so he might get a bite to eat when he suddenly catapulted from the mattress. Almost skidding on the creamy silk sheets that had pooled on the floor, he lunged for the wooden door, wrenching it open, about to fly around the doorframe and out of my reach once again until I bounded from my chair and across the room with speed I did not even know I had, grabbing him tightly by the wrist with both hands. I was not going to let him slip through my fingers like water once again. I never seemed to be able to quite grasp him, no matter how hard I tried. "What are you doing? Let go!" He easily snatched his hand from my grip and shoved his hand deep into his pocket, lingering as if he were expecting me to say something to him. 

"Heero," I protested. Though he had never done anything because I had gotten on my knees and begged him to before, I nevertheless gave it a try. I was practically at my wits end and on the verge of tears. "Heero, don't leave again. You're always running off, not even bothering to take in the world around you. Why can't you let Duo be happy by himself? You don't need to be there, holding his hand all the time!" 

"It's not only Duo's happiness I'm worried about," he said blandly, though I could detect the slightest hint of emotion rising, choked, in his throat. "I want to do something for myself for once. I want myself to be happy." 

I could not defer from this ambiguous comment what he meant, so I simply put on a wounded countenance and tried to reach out for the crook of his elbow. He easily evaded me and turned to face me completely. "Relena, what is it you really want from me? You follow me, do favours for me, treat me like I'm some sort of god. I don't understand why."  

"Don't you get it? Are you so callous that you can't see how much I love you? I do it because I _love_ you Heero!" I covered my mouth with my hands, shocked that I had actually spoken those words to him. It was supposed to be my secret. He arched an eyebrow at me, almost as if he were _amused_ by this statement. Had he been anyone else, I might have expected that look on his face to be accompanied by a chuckle. But he didn't laugh. Instead, he looked at me with that same slightly bemused glare in his midnight blue irises, as if waiting for an explanation. "Don't you… see?" I added feebly. 

Then it came, that smirk of his. I could tell he was mocking me from behind those mysterious cobalt eyes. It almost seemed too cruel to be real. "Relena," he said, shoving his other hand into his pocket, cocking his head slightly so he had to sort of look upwards to meet my eyes. "Relena, if that's what you're definition of loving someone is, then I feel bad for you."  

"I… I don't understand what you mean," I stammered, a little confused by this almost playful manner of his. Was it his idea of a joke? I suppose I had never imagined him the joking type. Or maybe I had just never heard him try before. In any case, I'm still not very used to dry humour. 

"Love and idol worship are two totally different things," he clarified, obviously taking in my vacant stare as he straightened his posture and regaining that typical stiff Heero Yuy posture I was used to. "Relena, you do not love me." 

"Yes, yes I do! I do! I swear I do!" I took a few imploring steps forward, only to be met with a few backward paces of his own. "I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to say it. You always ran away before I ever got a chance to say so but I do!" 

"You are wrong," he asserted his same position as before, turning on his heel and starting down the hall. 

I shook my head defiantly and shouted after him. "I just want you to stay with me always! Is that so hard? Is it? Your wings are battered, bloody and bruised. You don't always need to beat them so hard. Who is it you are you running from?"

_[And I'd like to know,_

_Do you believe?_

_Will you believe?_

_Did you ever believe in me?]_

He stopped, and for a second, my heart did flip-flops in my chest, until, that is, he spoke. Not even bothering to turn around, he hovered at the head of the grand staircase that led down into my home's grand foyer, one hand resting lightly on the wooden banister, his socked feet planted firmly in the soft red carpeting beneath his soles. "It's not a matter of running away, but a matter of getting somewhere. I could be on my last breath and I'd still keep going."

"Where could you have to get that could be so important?" 

He lifted his chin slightly, as if staring out past the walls that defined my house and beyond a reality that was far, far away. "Home," he answered softly, his voice barely audible, despite the silence that ruled the sunlit corridor. He turned his gaze a hint more in my direction. "What would you have me do, stay here with you? You would confine me like a pet bird in a gilded cage? Relena, I don't want that. Is that what you want?"

I had no idea what to say. When put in such a metaphor, it would have seemed either coldhearted or selfish or both to assent to that. Then, for the first time in my life, I was not sure at all what I wanted. Did I really want to confine Heero like that? A creature with wings, never to fly again? I said nothing, afraid of the response I might evoke from him. 

"Is it?" he pressed. 

"I… I wouldn't keep you trapped," I offered weakly. 

"Clip my wings then? Allow me only to flutter here and there and never take to the sky again?" He had angled himself a little more towards me as he said this. "And what would happen when you tire of me? Every child tires of their pet after so long. You would grow weary of trying to break me into this kind of life. I could never live like this and be happy, Relena. How could you claim to love me and worry only about your own happiness?" 

"I…." The weight of his words was like a flurry of rocks being pelted at my skull. They made my head pound and spin and I felt like I might collapse. I crumpled to the floor in a heap of satin skirts and frustration.

"Goodbye, Relena," he nodded curtly before beginning his descent down the stairs.

_[I'm not what you think I am._

_You can't define me._

_You won't confine me,_

_Just for some peace of mind._

_You'd waste me.]_

I barely gave that chocolate head of hair time to disappear beneath the horizon of the balcony that overlooked the hall below. I was already picking myself up off the floor, practically tripping back down to the ground over my dress as I staggered after him. I saw him standing by the door, one of the servants holding it open for him as he offered him his scarred brown boots and his denim jacket. He was just pulling on his coat over his shoulders when he noticed me standing on the stairs, watching him with my hand upon my chest as had become habit when I was desperate for something. He gave me another farewell nod and a sort of half smile before walking out the door, closing it behind him. The click of the latch in the doorframe seemed to echo all around me, as if it were the only sound in the entire world. I didn't even hear the sound of my friend, Dorothy, behind me as she started to speak to me about some political affair I was supposed to attend that afternoon. 

"I don't know if I'm up to it," I said half heartedly as I sat down glumly on the steps, cupping my chin and covering my face with my hands. "Tell them I got sick or something."

Dorothy put her hands on her hips as she sauntered down a few steps so she stood in front of me. I could see from between my fingers that she had that leering grin etched on her face again, and I knew she was preparing to lecture me on something, once again off to prove me naïve and immature. "You let him get away again, didn't you? That's the breaks, kid. Not much you can do is there? Maybe God is trying to drop you a hint?"

"Oh stuff it Dorothy!" I moaned, pulling my hands away from my flushed and tear-stained face. "I don't need to hear your high-and-mighty routine right now!" 

"Oh I think you're wrong about that. I took the liberty of listening in on what he said to you just up there. He's right, you know," she answered coldly, crossing her arms over her chest. She wore our boarding school's magenta blazer and crème pink skirt even now, and it was really hard to imagine her wearing anything else. Her tone her eyes had taken on, however, clashed violently with those pinks as she stared long and hard at me before going on. "I think you need a good slap in the face to be perfectly honest, but I've decided to go easy on you since you seem to be in such a state of shock."

"Shock about what?" I demanded, pulling my hands from my face in a jerky abrupt motion, staring up at her with as menacing a glare as I could muster. I probably looked nowhere near as intimidating as Heero did when he pulled his death stare, but I hoped I got the message across. So what if my 'death glare' turned out looking more like the face of a small child pouting because he could not have as many sweets as he wanted; I was sure Dorothy could see my discontentment with her ill timing. 

She was leaning on the banister now, polishing her nails on her skirt and examining them as if this were the most casual conversation in all the world. "Shock that the world isn't made to please you and you can't get everything your little ideal world requires when and where you want it."

"What's you're point?" 

She rolled her eyes and let out a huffy sigh. "My point is that Heero Yuy isn't a little puppet you can pay money for and bring home with you to play with. He's a person who has feelings and a heart and should be allowed to make his own decisions without some floozy love-sick girl bitching and moaning about what she deserves after such a painful war without him." She climbed up a step and sunk down so that she was crouched on the stair right below the one I was sitting on. Staring me straight in the eye, she went on. "Now let's see, who's the one who _really_ went through the pain here, him or you? How dare you tell him what you deserve! Compared to that boy, you deserve _nothing_, Relena. You hear me? _Nothing_!"

"I know what's best for him and what's best for him is a good stable life with a family who cares about him. He deserves to be comfortable and happy and taken care of forever!" Dorothy's face contorted a bit and in one fell motion, she threw her long golden hair over one shoulder and smacked me hard across the cheek. Shocked, I raised a hand to my raw cheek, my eyes wide with surprise as I evaluated her placid expression. "W-What was that for?"

"How do you know what he needs or wants? How much time have you really spent with him just talking about this kind of thing?" she asked. She must have seen something in my expression or my silence that satisfied her question, for she went on from there. "I thought as much. You were nothing short of a stalker during those old war days, Relena. You hardly talked to him, not like his fellow pilots who could probably write an entire book on that boy and how he's wired and circuited. And whenever you _did_ have a real conversation, if my memory serves me right, it usually was about big things like peace and whatnot, yes?"

I nodded dumbly. I hated it when Dorothy was right like this. 

_[I recognize in your voice, in your eyes,_

_Something's out there waiting._

_Someone out there knows the score.]_

"Right, so besides his opinions on war and fighting, what else could you tell me about him? What could you tell me about Heero Yuy, the _person_, not the _soldier_?" she asked. I was quiet, tired of this conversation already. Her voice was becoming like a dull ring in my ears. All I could hear was that latch clicking in the doorjamb over and over. "You say what he needs a comfortable normal life. Relena, what about that boy is normal? Do you really think he could just slide into a world like this and be perfectly okay? Thinking like this is part of your problem!"

"I don't have a problem!" I exclaimed, balling my fists and jerking them back a bit. 

"Of course not," she sighed again and stood up, offering me her hand. "Come on, get up. I'm sorry for hitting you. Go take a shower and I'll lay out something you can wear to the conference this afternoon. Part of your role is to help get this godforsaken world back on track!" 

"Sure," I mumbled, my mind very far away from that time and place. 

That afternoon found me standing amongst a small group of old politicians who were busy arguing with themselves about this and that. I was not sure if I was removed from the meeting's hubbub because I was annoyed with the other people there or if I was annoyed with myself or if it all just boiled down to Heero evaporating into the sunlight once again. I always just missed him! I felt as if I were some fool crazy person who spent his life at the water's edge trying to hold the ocean, only to have it fall through his fingers, and never learning, would go back to try and scoop it up again. My eyes wandered up to the skies, wondering if Heero still stood beneath that same sky as me, or if he had flow up into the vast reaches of space once again. I suddenly had to know. I had to know where he went. Where it was that he was so desperate to get to that he would turn down the world I had offered him. Where it was he called… home…. 

_[All I ever really wanted was to fly._

_I'm pissed off with gravity._

_Won't you let me go?_

_I need to fly.]_

Suddenly, I was running. I could hear the surprised calls of everyone at the meeting calling my name after me, but their shouts fell upon deaf ears as I kept going, dashing past the front gates of my estate, pushing myself to sprint as far as I could. Next thing I realized, I was standing on a street corner in the middle of the city, panting for breath. The spaceport was not very far from where I stood. I forced myself along the crowded streets towards that destination, sure that if Heero had a set destination on this whole planet Earth, it would be the nearest spaceport. I had no idea what led me to this conclusion, but I was just sure I was right. 

When I finally managed to stumble through the automatic sliding glass doors of the spaceport and make it up to one of the ticket counters, asking for a check on the name Heero Yuy, I found myself at a dead end. No one by that name had bought a ticket anywhere that day. Of course, I realized, Heero would not be so careless as to do anything under his real name. But what name would he have chosen as a cover? There were so many different ideas running through my mind at the time, I paid no attention as the woman behind the desk took the next customer as I remained standing dumbly beside her post. 

"You're name Sir?" the lady asked her customer. I looked briefly over my shoulder to evaluate the person, a middle-aged man, probably with a wife and three children back home somewhere. I wondered what Heero would be like when he was older. I had always imagined that he would be married to me, and maybe like this man, he would go off now and again on business, only to come home to our family and me. But every time I thought of this, it seemed more and more far-fetched, the words of both Dorothy and Heero coming back to haunt me, ringing more and more true every time they replayed in my head. 

"Marvolo," he answered. As the woman typed in the name, the computer automatically sorted through the names of everyone else on the record. Then I noticed one that stood out among the others, listed right there with all the other 'M' names, and right then and there, I knew exactly where Heero was planning to go. If I had hurried, I might have been able to catch the very same flight Heero was getting on.

_[And I'd like to know,_

_Do you believe? _

_Will you believe?_

_Did you ever believe in me?]_

The second Marvolo had bought his ticket and checked his bag, I was right back there, paying for a ticket to L2. The next flight was leaving in mere minutes, and the second she handed me that ticket, I was off like a shot towards the boarding gates. There was no way I was going to let Heero slip through my fingers again. I would not spend my life trying to grasp the sea. Almost to the L2 gate, I saw the last of the passengers boarding the shuttle and knowing that I was seconds away from either making or missing this flight. Not being on this flight would force me to wait hours for another shuttle and knowing Heero, hours was all he needed to fade away again, like a ghost that never existed. I had to catch him before he was dead to me for real. 

_[Everything is everything._

_There's no telling,_

_No right way to go,_

_Getting to the promise we hold in ourselves._

_It's never easy going 'round,_

_Or getting over.]_

Finally reaching the gate, I was told by the attendant there that I was too late. I begged to be let on board the flight, but he insisted that reopening the gate to allow another passenger, even if that passenger was me, Queen Relena, would set the flight further behind schedule than it already was, and it was just impossible. 

Dejectedly, I wandered to an empty seat in the waiting area. On the seat beside me were a few scattered rose petals that had fallen off some impatient lover's bouquet as he waited to get back home to his dear one. I fingered the scarlet rose petals sadly, wondering if anyone would ever buy a bouquet of flowers for me. I pocketed two or three of the petals to keep close, just for my aching heart's sake as I watched the L2 bound shuttle catapult off the runway and into the heavens. 

And I wanted to know, just where did Heero consider home way out there in the stars?

_[All I ever really wanted was to fly._

_I'm pissed off with gravity._

_Won't you let me go?_

_I need to fly,_

_And I'd like to know,_

_Do you believe?_

_Will you believe?_

Did you ever believe?] 

O^^^O

**A/N**: Okay, I'm sorry that was a little weak—certainly not my best—but I had nothing to do today and I decided to start draining my mind of all the ideas I've got locked up there. The next parts will be better because there will be 1x2 and Relena anguish! Whahaha—err, please keep going when I update. I've decided to try a new tactic and post this chapter by chapter instead of the whole shebang at once. Hopefully that will mean more reviews! I promise the big story I was working on before my computer decided to get sick and die will be much better. And review please! It will make me feel loved! I promise to write the rest as quickly as I can. ~ L.W. 


	2. Devil's Street

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Paper Lanterns 

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

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Author's Note If you're interested in warnings and such, go read the giant ass disclaimer at the beginning of Part I. If you're reading this, that means at least one of two things: (a) that you liked the story enough to keep reading to make me feel fuzzy or (b) you just really like my inane sense of idiocy (humour) and are looking for a chuckle or two at my expense. Damn hippies…. Wait… that would be… *points to self* O.o 

On a complete other note, I have happy news and crappy news. (Wow, a rhyme—move _over _Yeats!) The happy news is that I got my baby back. The crappy news is that they had to wipe my hard drive—which includes my fanfiction. But never fear! I at least had sense enough to back up at least half of my current big ass story on a floppy, so about 73 pages of it are saved! Though I'm still a little depressed over losing a good portion of my story, I think I'll rewrite the rest of my big project and it will be better than before. And no, it won't be like that Zelda sequel I keep saying I'm going to write (which I might add, got wiped out yet _again_). I'm actually going to do it! I swear! And after all, I run, I hide, but I never lie! …Well, I try…. ^___^;

O^^^O

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Part II

Devil's Street

L2 was the only colony in the entire Earth Sphere Alliance I had never graced with my presence before. I felt a little guilty that I had never addressed L2's obvious dire state of need when I finally stepped off that shuttle into the grimy terminal. L2 was mostly a blue-collar working colony where many things were manufactured for the rest of the colonies. And though some parts of L2 were supposed to be quite nice, many parts decent, there were still those horrible slums and poverty stricken street corners that asked for nothing more than a little love at the bare minimum. I expected a place like this to be the haven of that Duo Maxwell. 

I surveyed the spaceport I was now standing in. It was a very plain vintage structure with iron supports and beams wrought with round circles and curls. The ceiling was made of a dull musty glass iron rimmed windows that were hazed over with pollution and age, giving the place the look of an old Victorian train station from the pre-colonial days. There was a lot of graffiti sprayed all over the place, proclaiming messages everywhere from inspirational to desperate to outright crude. I tried to phase it all into the back of my mind, telling myself that I would worry about L2's needs at a later date, and that I was here to focus solely on what was currently on my mind: Heero. 

__

[And I don't hear you anymore,

And I can't see you on the floor.]

I stepped outside of the terminal and found myself standing on a wide road scattered with taxies, mopeds and motorcycles in addition to many other modes of transportation, right in the heart of the industrial colony. Two shallow metal ruts ran through the dirty asphalt beneath a rigging of metal electrical wires for a public cable car. More than unsure of where to go or how to even begin to look for Heero, I waited for the cable car and climbed on board when it finally came. Dropping a few credits into the change machine beside the operators control panel, I shuffled back to an empty bench and sat, staring indifferently out the drab windows at the dark colony as the cable car began to slowly pull away from the spaceport. I had no idea where I wanted to go and contented myself to just ride about on the cable car, waiting for some heavenly sign as to where I should get off.

The urban sprawl that rushed past the cable car was probably one of the most distressing things I ever had to see. Still in the inner city, apparently a poorer section of the colony, I saw street folk and beggars on nearly every sidewalk, graffiti and rubbish everywhere I looked. There were the higher end sort of people too, walking down the street and trying hard to act as if they were the only people in the world. I watched one man snootily walk with a brusque step like there were no shoeless children playing with broken glass on the doorstep he had just swept by. It made me feel so helpless that even after so much fighting, there was still hell to clean up. And as I mentioned, though L2 never had the most well to do history, I had always liked to think that all our hard work had paid off for something. Now I realized there was so much more than just attaining peace for a perfect world. Peace was just something that started out the road. There were still those who had to build new homes and lives from what little they already had. Dreams could only do so much and went so far….

__

[It's like a nightmare come to real life,

But don't be frightened of the light.]

After a while, watching the helpless destitution that rolled by outside my window became too much for me and I turned away to examine the inside of the car. There weren't many other people in the car with me. I was assuming that public transportation, despite its cheap fares, was even too expensive for most of these inner city street urchins. Behind me, curled up in the corner of the last bench, was a poor old man sitting beside a large wicker basket that contained what I figured were his belongings. His woolen hat was worn and had many holes and patches, his corduroy jacket in disarray and his jeans frayed and torn beyond repair. He looked like he was sleeping and it seemed as if he had been like that for quite some time. Two rows ahead sat a heavy set middle aged woman with broad shoulders and large breasts. A small child sat on her knee, another beside her, their faces smudged with a little dirt. At her feet was a brown paper bag filled with groceries for the week. A businessman with a briefcase sat as far up front in the car as possible, right behind the operator, waiting eagerly for his stop. My heart felt a stab of remorse for them, wishing there were something I could do to better their lives. I knew L2 had never had a brilliant history, but I could only imagine what both wars had done to its population and economy. 

Growing tired of the tedium of waiting around on the cable car, I reached up and tugged the cord that hung over the window. A faint dinging noise filled the car and it soon slowed at the next street corner. As I walked towards the front of the bus, I dropped a few spare credits beside the woman with the two children, feeling sympathy for the overworked and tired family. Exiting the car, I found myself standing in a better part of town. There was still a little graffiti here and there, and I still felt the ambiance of jazz and liqueur in the air, however it seemed that I had stumbled more on the outskirts of the city where a higher class of people operated in their day-to-day lives. I wondered for a brief moment if this was the kind of place Duo Maxwell would live. I wondered what Duo Maxwell did when he didn't have a war to hide behind, when he was just Duo Maxwell, without Heero, the war or anything. I couldn't tell you what spurred those musings. It angered me slightly to think of him. I should have been thinking of Heero, not that horrible little street punk. 

__

[And all the days you pushed around.

And all the times you lied to yourself.]

I spent another credit and a half on a bottle of water in a small shop that was situated a little further up the street. When I came out of the store, the colony's weather system had already begun to fall into night mode, the bright solar simulation fading into a dusky grey-violet hue, iron worked street lamps painting the opaque city with a soft yellow blush, like the twinkling of thousands of fireflies. Sucking on the plastic opening at the top of my bottle, I watched the skies slowly grow a shade darker, totally unwary of the streets around me. I guess after all that daydreaming, I sort of deserved nearly being knocked off my feet by a speeding bicyclist racing down the sidewalk towards me. 

There was the sound of squealing breaks and tires as I jumped out of the way, managing to spill a third of my water on my white slacks. The cyclist flew over the handlebars and landed on her hands and knees. I could see bruises and scraps forming on her palms and shins as she stood up again and I can say it was very fortunate that she was wearing a helmet or else the results might have been grisly. Gripping my chest, heart pounding like there was no tomorrow in my ribcage, I let out a heavy gasp as I watched the biker upright her fallen vehicle and dust it off. Leaning the black bike on a nearby street sign, she turned around to face me, staring at me wide-eyed. "Are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice as she reached to unbuckle her yellow helmet. 

"Yes," I said, gathering my dignity. "I'm glad you weren't hurt. I shouldn't have been standing in the middle of the sidewalk that way. My apologies." 

"Well I shouldn't have been whipping down the road like that. I'm the one who should be…." She trailed off, squinting at me as she finally removed her helmet. Then her eyes widened with recognition as she exclaimed, "Oh it really _is_ you! Miss Relena! Fancy meeting you here of all places!" 

"I'm sorry, who are...?" It was my turn to trail off, for then I recognized her. I had only seen her once or twice in my entire life, and I don't recall us ever having a conversation together, which is why it took me a little longer to realize who it was. And with her short hair underneath that helmet of hers, I could hardly be expected to know right away.

Hilde…. 

"You remember me, don't you? I'm friends with Duo Maxwell!" she said, reaching forward to shake my hand violently. "We talked real quick a couple weeks ago when that idiot was wasting away by your house, waiting for word on Heero's condition. That fool can be so _thickheaded_ sometimes! Ha, and here I was thinking that _Heero_ was the stubborn one, but that Duo, aw hell, he can sure be worse than a two-year old sometimes!" 

I smiled at that, pleased to hear that I was not the only one who found Duo overly immature and a bit on the crazy side. "Yes, I do remember you. How are you?" 

"Oh I'm good," she said happily as she buckled her helmet around her bicycle's handlebars. Rooting around in a wire basket fixed to the bike's front, she fished out a lock and chain to bind the metal frame to the street sign before turning around to face me again, a slight bounce in her step. "Well then Miss Relena, if you don't have anywhere to go, would you like to do a little shopping with me?" She gestured to the store where I had just bought the bottled water. 

"Hmm? Oh of course," I smiled, following her back into the little shop. The bell over the door jangled excitedly as we entered the place. Hilde walked straight towards the back of the store where the racks of alcohol were, proceeding to scan the labels scrupulously. I stood a few steps aside from her, looking over her shoulder as her eyes flew over the different burgundy wines stored on the shelves. "What are you looking for?" I asked at long last, curious as to what she was after. "Perhaps I can help?" 

"Oh that would be great," Hilde smiled, motioning for me to come closer. "Do you know a lot about wine then? 'Cause I'm no real expert—food is Duo's thing—but I said I would go out to grab a bottle. Special occasions tend to call for something nice." 

"Is something unusual happening at your house tonight?" I queried as I fingered one of the bottles, realizing that I really didn't know as much about wine as I had alluded. Usually my chef took care of selecting the wines to go with dinner and it was something I was not trained in dealing with. My romantic mind began to spin out the story that was taking place at Hilde's house. I could see Duo sitting at the kitchen table, fidgeting with a wedding band as he watched the clock impatiently as he awaited Hilde's return. I could almost hear him saying to Hilde that he had something very important to tell her and that she should run out for a bottle of wine to talk over. Now the Duo in my mind's eye was pacing erratically around the room, fixing things here and there just for something to do to pass the time, making sure everything was perfect for his big night. 

"Very, very special!" Hilde giggled excitedly, like a little schoolgirl. Noticing my hand, she asked, "Is that one you recommend?" 

Realizing I was still touching the wine bottle, I jerked my hand back and jammed it into my pocket. "Well if it's a very special occasion, you should be willing to spend a bunch. The more expensive it is, the better it's sure to be." 

"Now that's not always true, Miss Relena. You don't have to be a wine expert to know that. It's true with a lot of things," Hilde said, putting both hands on her hips. She turned back to the wine racks and went on, "See, now this is why I wish Duo were with us. That is a man who knows his tastes. That guy can go grocery shopping and come back with armloads of great tasting food for under fifty credits. It's ridiculous how that man can make a feast with anything. And he knows good cheap wine. I guess his years of living off his wiles on the streets that's taught him to know how to make the most of a buck." 

"Oh yeah?" I commented idly, a sly grin teasing my lips. I'm sure she had no idea what Duo had in store for her when she returned home. "You talk about Duo a lot. He's your boyfriend? You sound so happy to be with him." 

"Ha, me and that dork? You have got to be kidding!" Hilde laughed, finally settling on a bottle with a shrug and grabbing it off the shelf. The Duo who was still pacing around my imaginary version of Hilde's kitchen suddenly shattered to pieces. "Besides, even if I did have an interest in the old moron, I'd never have a chance with him. He doesn't like me that way. We're just good pals—drinking buddies, partners in business and roommates, essentially. You know, that someone you can go and bitch about your love life to. God knows I've heard enough about Duo's crush to write an essay on him."

"What? Him? You mean Duo's crush is a boy?" I exclaimed suddenly, a hot flush colouring my cheeks. There it was, the unidentifiable something that bothered me about Duo. The stupid little… little _faggot_ had a crush on my Heero! I can only pray that he hadn't managed to brainwash Heero into accepting such a perverse concept. Suddenly, I couldn't resist it. I found my mouth moving uncontrollably, words just pouring forth. "I always knew it! I always did! He's a _queer_!? He's one of those disgusting abrasions of society. I can't _stand_ the thought that he spent so much time latched onto my Heero, deluding him with wrong ideas and—and—" I stopped, shoulders heaving with the breath my rant had taken from me, noticing the absolutely appalled look on Hilde's face for the first time. My little Duo-Hilde fantasy was crushed and forgotten, like a burned fairytale storybook. 

__

[And all the dreams we had might just….

Breakdown….]

"Oh now Miss Relena, I'm shocked!" Hilde chided, her tone reminding me of that which one would use to enforce a small child. "You shouldn't use language like that. He may have different tastes than most men, but that's no reason to hate him. He's a sweet guy and that's all that really matters! You shouldn't be bigoted against a person because he or she is different from you. That's no way for the Queen of the World to act! It's hate like that which leads to war! As an ex- soldier, I must say that I don't want to see anymore fighting in my life." She giggled and went on to add, much to my revulsion, "Besides, it's just so _cute_ when Duo talks about his boyfriend!" 

I bowed my head, defeated. "You are right, Hilde. I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about your friend that way." I was still a little disgusted by this new revelation about the Deathscythe pilot, but I decided that feelings like that should be kept inside and not expressed for, as Hilde said, that would only lead to a disruption in the peace we all had worked so hard to attain. Besides, Hilde was my best bet to finding out where Heero had gone off to and insulting her and her pansy little friend would certainly put a stop to that plan. 

After a bit more idle chatter, I decided that Duo's gift for the gab had obviously rubbed off on his roomy. I followed her through the aisles as she scanned for anything else she might want to bring home, listening to her rattle one, her words rushing in one ear and out the other. I was really just waiting for a chance to inquire about Heero when she said something that caught my attention. 

"Ha, this is something I don't need Duo's help for," she was saying as she grabbed a six pack of beer from a low shelf and began heading for the cashier at the front of the little store. "Anyway, like I was saying, I left Duo and Heero by themselves back at the townhouse to fend for themselves—and that cake I left in the oven—though I'm not really sure if that was such a great idea. I mean, heaven knows what those two are up to as we speak. Probably too busy catching up with each other to pay any mind to my poor neglected dessert. All I can say is that my cake is doomed." 

"Wait, what?" I jarred myself from my thoughts about Heero and refocused on the conversation at hand. "Heero is at your house?"

"Why yes," Hilde said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world as she handed the cashier the credits owed for the wine and beer. "He showed up earlier today. Rang the doorbell and came in like he had just come back home after a long time away." She laughed suddenly, gathering the plastic bag containing her alcoholic beverages in her arms and making her way for the door. "In a way, he was coming home. Yes, now that I think on it, yes he was." 

__

[And I wonder who you love?

…Really love?]

"Home? Heero doesn't have anywhere to call his home," I said, a little indignant at this notion. "That's why I need to see him, Hilde. That's why I'm here on L2, you see. He disappeared suddenly and I was barely able to keep up with him." 

"You can come along to visit tomorrow if you'd like. I'm sure it would be nice to have a get together or something. We can all reminisce," Hilde said as she unchained her bicycle once we were outside again, the sounds of the colony's nightlife beginning to fill the air. "Oh but Duo's so excited to see Heero alive and well again. You could never imagine how elated he was when I opened the door and saw him standing there. Duo had been on the stairs, waiting to see just who it was hanging on the bell out there. And lo and behold, it was Heero Yuy, panting and out of breath from running, holding a bouquet of red roses in arm, looking exactly as I remember him. I swear, he was down those stairs and practically kissing Heero in the doorway before I even had a chance to invite the poor boy in. Oh you should have seen it, Miss Relena! I just wanted to melt!"

"Why not tonight?" I wondered aloud, watching as she tucked her chain, lock and bag of drinks in the wire basket of her bike. "Heero just took off without even giving me a real reason. I was so worried about him. I want to make sure he's okay."

"You really are dedicated to that guy," Hilde said, putting a hand on each hip. "It's kind of admirable. What is it that you love so much about him?" 

"Because I love his bravery and his strength." I said, a dreamy look crossing my face as I clasped my hands together over my breast. 

She laughed and rapped my knuckles. "Wrong." 

"Because he's very handsome," I went on, a little confused by Hilde's reaction.

"Still wrong." She batted my knuckles again, almost like she were reprimanding a little child.

"Because…." I searched for something that Hilde wouldn't reproach me for. "….He's the savior of the world." 

"_Still_ wrong!" 

"He always protects me?"

"Wrong, wrong, all wrong!" She shook her head hopelessly and changed the subject. "So how'd you know to come up here?" she asked, fixing her helmet back on her head and buckling the strap under her chin. She mounted the bike and turned to face the direction she had been coming from when she nearly killed me earlier that evening. "Lucky guess?"

"He was talking about Duo before he left. I was working on a few clues," I answered, trying to sound cunning. It really wasn't so hard to figure that Heero would go looking for his queer gutter rat best friend up here. The only question would be just where that queer gutter rat was hiding out. Looks like I managed to find the mouse hole easily enough though. All that remained was to flush him out into the sewers. 

"Oh, I see," she smiled warmly. "Well Relena, it's been nice seeing you. I hope you'll stop by tomorrow. But I got some drinks to get back home before those two maniacs raze my house." She pointed down the street in the direction she was heading. "If you keep walking down this way a couple blocks, you'll get to a pretty nice hotel. Hope it suits your fancy, ma'am!" She shouted a goodbye to me as she peddled off like a mad man, hanging a wild turn onto another street two blocks up. 

__

[You know I want you too much.

You know it kills me, the thought.]

I stared down the street she had taken off down for a few minutes, just dumbly contemplating all that had just happened. Like some divine intervention, I had run into Hilde and she had told me that Heero was with her and had invited me to see him the next day. I started to think that things were beginning to turn in my favour. All that remained was to bring him back home to Earth where I could care for him for the rest of his life. He shouldn't have to live up here in this hellhole where he would have to scrap for a living. I was certain that Hilde certainly had enough money to live comfortably—this part of town was not as poverty-stricken as the inner city where the spaceport was—but Heero should not have to live in a place where he would have to work for anything. He had worked too hard in his life already and needed not to be trifled with anything else. That, at least, he deserved. 

But then I remembered what he had told me before he had left that morning. I remembered him saying that he was heading home, that he could not live a life where he was catered to for all eternity. I suppose I could understand that. He was probably used to doing things for himself—that's how he had been trained to survive. But peace was not a time where anyone should have to struggle to survive. I had no concept of how anyone could want to leave everything I had offered to Heero. Sometimes, I could hardly understand the way he thought. What about _my_ happiness!? Didn't he realize that his staying with me would make _me_ happy? Didn't he think that I deserved to be happy too? 

And then Dorothy's words came back to me. I remembered the way she had asked me if I knew anything about Heero Yuy the _person_, no the _soldier_. I realized for the first time how true her comment had been. And right then I decided that it was about time I aquatinted myself with Heero Yuy the person and taught him that I was what he needed to be free. 

__

[I want to scream; I want to cry,

Just to save myself one last time.]

I followed her directions until I reached the street she had turned down. I chanced a look at the street sign; Michelangelo Street, the green sign read. Staring down the empty road, I could see it was no more than just another little city street, lined with friendly glowing streetlights, restaurants, shops and townhouses. There could have been no more natural and comfortable urban setting anywhere else I had ever been. I thought I could almost hear the faint brassy sound of a jazz band playing in some club along the way. Almost as if the music were drawing me down the road like a pied piper, I forgot the hotel and walked down the sidewalk, past the stairs that descended down below the sidewalk to the club from where the jazz wafted so freely into the night. 

At the end of the street, I stopped, turning to look up at a townhouse just near the corner. It was a friendly brick affair with tall rectangular bay windows and a dark green front door at the top of a high front stoop, white curly-cues and flowers doodled on the wooden paneling with cream white lines of paint. A familiar black bicycle was chained to the iron railing that curled down the edge of the steps leading up to that green painted door, casually leaning there without a care in the world. Scrawled on the brick just beneath the window in blue graffiti lettering was a phrase—"Welcome to Paradise"—that had been touched up and made to look artistic with a fine mural of paint and a wild array of exotic colour. It actually made the house look kind of interesting in a bohemian sort of way, and I hated to admit that I rather liked the effect. 

Looking over to the large amiably lit window just adjacent to the door, I could see Hilde just walking from the kitchen with the cake she had been talking about earlier, setting the large round pastry in the center of a table just inside. Sitting down, I watched as she poured a glass of wine and pushed it across the table to Heero, who was sitting opposite her, a very giddy looking Duo Maxwell being held in his lap, arms flung around my Heero's shoulders, wearing nothing more than a dirty pair of loose fitting grey sweatpants. Noticing the paint sprinkled on his chest and smudged on his cheeks, I realized that it must have been Duo who had painted the outside of the house so gaily. I never knew that Duo has such an artistic inclination. I could feel myself curdling with anger and annoyance as I watched that damn slut press his cheek against Heero's and nuzzle him affectionately, swinging his feet merrily beneath the table as Hilde cut the cake.

I couldn't hear any of their conversation, but from the look on Duo's face, he was indeed very happy; Hilde was grinning wide, Heero even with a small smile carved upon his face. I had never seen Heero smile like that before. Oh he had smirked at me, had given me certain knowing expressions that almost resembled looks of pity, or pulled tight-mouthed smiles when he was pleased with something I had said or done, but never had he just genuinely grinned for sharing company with him or anything of the like. I felt that emotion named envy growing a little thicker inside my veins, threatening to clog my heart, as I watched their soundless mouths move excitedly. Even Heero was contributing quite a bit to the two chatterboxes' discussion, much more than he had ever said around me. And then I felt my blood stop when Hilde said something that caused Heero to laugh. He wasn't even just merely chuckling, but outright _laughing_, laughing like he was happy! Not even _I_ had gotten Heero to laugh and here that stupid girl—a friend of _Duo's_—had! In fact, I can't say I had ever seen him laugh so heartily before then. 

__

[And all the days you pushed around.

And all the times you lied to yourself.]

Duo smiled adoringly at Heero and laid a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose. Heero's face flushed a bright pink colour, making my skin turn dark green with envy. Heero had never blushed around me. I didn't even know he was capable of it. I could feel that green hue blackening in my flesh as Duo tapped the corner of his mouth expectantly. As if on command, Heero bent his head slightly and kissed the indicated spot. Duo went on to stroke his neck, receiving a kiss there from Heero soon after and another upon his closed eyelids. I looked frantically around for something I could just _hurl_ at the window to smash that repulsive scene, but found nothing. I had to settle for smashing my foot into Hilde's bike in a bout of frustration. All that won me was a slight bruise on my big toe. 

__

[And all the dreams we had might just…

Breakdown….]

But the worst was yet to come. Still laughing, Hilde picked up her fork and rapped it lightly against her glass a couple times. And then, still chuckling, Heero lifted one hand from Duo's waist and laid it upon his hand, leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth. It didn't seem like the kind of kiss that would come from some silly bet. The way Heero was holding Duo was just too ginger, too sweet and delicate, like Duo was the most precious thing to him in the entire world. And after pulling away, he murmured something secret into Duo's ear that was meant only for him and pulled him close once more for another kiss… a kiss that should have… would have… but never will… belong to me.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I watched Duo twine his arms tighter around Heero's neck, my fingers toying with the now worn and dead rose petals I had stowed away earlier. The red juice of the petals was staining my flesh and the insides of my pockets and I crushed them in a mixture of ire, jealousy and hurt. And for the first time, I noticed the bouquet of flowers sitting innocently in a glass vase on the windowsill, ever so often shedding a petal or two as a light sheen of rain began to fall outside. 

__

[And I wonder who you love?

…Really love?]

O^^^O

****

A/N ~ And how bad was _that_? This really isn't going the way I want it to. Really, it was just a whim of an idea that came to me while I was daydreaming on a ski lift over the holiday. You know how those things can go. One more part to go! Hurrah! Oh, by the way, I am also working on short stories for the other pilots to go with those two other stories I have, "Loving Death" and "Loving Angels." We'll just see how those go. Um, I hope you're enjoying this. Please review. I need the self-esteem. *sheepish grin* T.T;


	3. Butterfly Wings

****

Paper Lanterns

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

**Author's Note** Glad you've made it this far. I'm very proud of you all. *****Cue applause* In any case, this is the end of this little slapped together story. Not really much to say up here (for once, miracle of miracles….) except that I hope you enjoy the end of it and to keep an eye out for my next big ass project, which I am in the process of tying up. As in, I'll have it done in a few months…. *Grins* Believe me when I say "big ass"…. We're talking longer than "Little Tin Flower", I think. Hope to see you there anyway! *Waves* Anyway, have fun! Bye for now!

O^^^O

__

Part III

Butterfly Wings

I was shocked beyond all hope of reality and rationality. There was no way I could accept the very physical and very real scene unfolding before me inside Hilde's kitchen window. I hardly noticed the raindrops plopping down in fat tears upon me, soaking my skin and my clothes, rushing in speeding rivulets across the pavement and down the gutters with that echoing draining noise. It didn't matter. I couldn't hear it anyway. All I could see was Heero; Heero's arms around the longhaired little faggot's neck and Heero's lips kissing the creature's mouth. 

It wasn't fair. How was it that he could make his face like a wall around me? Why was it that he would always take his emotions and just turn them off around _me_? He had always treated me differently than most people, like I was someone special. But obviously, I wasn't special _enough_ for _him_! All that was just a lie. That or he had been lied to by that disgusting Maxwell animal. I strongly supported my second conclusion. There was no way that Heero's admiration of me and my ideals could be anything other than love. He loved what I stood for, so why could he not love me as well? It only seemed so natural. I could not see it any other way. 

__

[If I should choose to live in my cocoon,

Wrap myself in me and cry myself to sleep….]

Suddenly, the flower painted green door flew open and Hilde dashed out into the darkened weather, a rain slicker flung over her shoulders, the hood pulled loosely up over her blackish-purple locks. She skipped down the front stoop two steps at a time and hurried over to her bicycle. Quickly unchaining it, she tossed the lock into the wire basket attached to the handlebars and wheeled it down an ally running between her house and the neighbour's, which I had not noticed before as it was hidden behind a tall wooden gate painted in a similar fashion to the front door. There was the sound of her tussling with the chain again, obviously re-locking her bike in a dry spot that was concealed from me behind that stupid gaudy fence. I refused to think that I had ever found the patterns pleasant only a few moments ago. Just knowing it was Duo Maxwell's artwork was enough to make me see perversity twined in those painted vines. 

I could see the dim outline of the black iron wrought fire escape climbing up the side of the townhouse, dripping with moisture and rain. The sound of Hilde lowering the ladder filled the air; she was still in the ally and obscured behind the gate. Then I saw the shape of her body, the yellow mack clinging to her slim form, climbing up the ladder to the third level of the fire escape. I watched from the street as she wrung in a line, hung with now sopping wet clothing, which ran across the ally. I could make out the blurry images of a lot of red and black garments that screamed Gothic freak to me, loose fitting skater-punk style attire, dotted with the occasional flamboyant hippie shirt or a set of bellbottoms here and there. I tried my hardest to avert my eyes from the boxer shorts and kinky underwear as Hilde quickly ripped them from their clothespins. She yanked each article of clothing off the line as she wheeled it around towards her, tossing the soaking items into the window she had opened behind her, before climbing in afterwards. The sound of the window being slammed shut resonated in the empty ally way and then she was gone. 

I saw her enter the kitchen again through the window about five minutes later, accidentally bumping into Duo as he backed out of the room, Heero not far behind. There was something almost feral and lust-filled about the look in not only the street rat's eyes, but Heero's as well. It disturbed me to see such a look of sheer desire for someone like Duo written so plainly upon the usually stony Heero. Why was it he was so willing to open up around Duo? What did Duo make him feel that I couldn't? 

__

[If I should choose to protect my tender heart,

Build a shell from you; steal myself from you.]

Hilde scooted around Duo with a knowing smirk etched on her face. It was a look I did not particularly care for either. Was everyone in the world in on this game except for me? She gave Heero a shove, sending him careening into Duo's expecting arms and sending my ire to an all-time climax. No one dared to push Heero like that! But….

But then why was Heero laughing like it had been a good joke? Why were they all laughing? I certainly did not find it funny at all. 

As Heero and Duo vanished into an adjourning room from my line of sight through the window, Hilde started to clear the table of empty plates and cups. She looked up to glance briefly out the window, which was when she noticed me, still standing out there like a lunatic in the mad rainy weather. A look of surprise crossed her features as she realized that I had just been standing there and staring and she hurried off in the direction Heero and Duo had disappeared. 

Not more than a second later, the front door flew open again and she shouted out to me. "Oh my, Miss Relena! Don't stand out there in the soaking rain like that! What would the world say if their queen caught her death of cold in some colony rain shower?"

I let out a little nose as I hurried up the front steps and shuffled past her into her front foyer. She closed the door behind me, revealing a row of three hooks on the wall. From each peg hung a coat, one being Hilde's still drenched and dripping raincoat, the next a long black leather trench coat and finally on the last, a familiar worn jean jacket. Before me lay a short front hall that climbed up a staircase to the next floor and branched off to my left into the kitchen that had become so familiar to me in the past moments.

As I stepped a little more into the house, Hilde just behind me, I came upon another sordid picture. About a third of the way up the stairs was Heero, pinned against the wall by that filthy cretin and being kissed ferociously upon the neck by said mongrel. I could hear tiny snippets of their conversation; words, which I might add, did not ring well in my head.

"Mm, _dōbutsu_!" Heero cried, his fingers curling tightly around the wine bottle clenched in his hand. I recognized it as the bottle of wine I had bought with Hilde earlier. I flinched at the tone in his voice. It sounded completely sexual. 

"Heh, last time I checked, Hee-chan, _you_ were the animal, I was always the kinky one, remember?" Duo cooed back to him, pausing briefly to attack him with kisses again. And what kind of name was 'Hee-chan'? I never thought that Heero would stand for such a pet name. It sounded very degrading to my ears anyway, though I assumed this was how he managed to poison Heero's mind, with tricks like these. 

Hilde coughed loudly from behind me, as if to announce my presence. The two boys' heads snapped up, staring down the stairs at us. Duo looked mildly surprised while Heero looked like he wanted something to die. I just hoped it wasn't me…. 

"Boys, before you get a room, look who dropped in from the rain clouds!" Hilde said somewhat dramatically, with a sweep of her hands. 

"The space colonies don't have rain clouds. It's a hydraulics system that's rigged to the weather controls," Heero commented coolly. He was right of course. Heero had always been very, very smart and I admired how he was able to compute things so quickly and logically. It made him seem like an even better hero than he already was. "So she couldn't have dropped in from _anything_." 

"Oh Heero, she was being metaphorical," Duo said with a little laugh, punching him lightly on the shoulder. That bothered me. I didn't like it when he hit Heero. I liked it even less when Heero would smile at such abuse. "Weren't ya, Sis?" 

"Yeah, sure," Hilde shrugged with a grin. "I see you two are impatient for me to get lost. Well okay, you run along upstairs. Miss Relena and I will clean up the kitchen." 

__

[If I should choose to fall apart,

Don't you think you should let me?]

Before I could protest or say anything to Heero, I was being dragged into the little kitchenette, where Hilde had left the dishes she'd been collecting earlier. I heard Duo asking Heero some question about whether he would rather go to his room or the guestroom. Heero made an undistinguished reply that I deciphered as "Which is closer?" 

I ignored them and grudgingly helped her, making small chitchat here and there, my mind far gone. My eyes kept wandering to those roses sitting on the windowsill. I guess she noticed me staring, because her next comment concerned the flowers. "They're pretty, aren't they?" 

"Mm hmm," I managed, thinking about how they had gotten there. I thought I remembered Hilde mentioning something about Heero and roses. 

As if to answer my thoughts, Hilde went on. "Heero brought them. He said that he spent the last of his cash on the shuttle ticket up here and those flowers and then hiked it all the way over here himself. It was so romantic." 

I turned around to see her with this dreamy look in her eyes, hands clasped under her chin as she stared upwards at the naked light bulb screwed into the ceiling. "Heero likes to give gifts, I suppose," I said. "He gave me a teddy bear once." 

"A teddy bear?" she said, cocking her head slightly. "Cute." 

"It is," I nodded, beginning to think that Duo had poisoned Hilde's mind as well. "He left it for me right after the first war. I still have it. I sleep with it every night and it lives on my pillow." 

"Well every woman has a girl within," she replied, walking over to the window so she could rearrange the roses in the glass vase. "Guess it was his materialistic idea of peace. I heard from Duo that he was trying to win back the innocence the world lost. I guess he feels like he killed it somehow and that it was his duty to regain it. He's wired so differently from most people, it seems to me that it would have some kind of significant symbolism to him or something like that. It just strikes me as something he would do, you know?"

"I suppose so," I answered nonchalantly. What she has just said didn't really make sense to me. Symbolism? Heero? I couldn't think of how a gift could mean anything other than love. I therefore chose to ignore what Hilde had said and stick to my own theories. At least _those_ made sense to me. 

"Like, I'm still a romantic at heart. That's the girl in me, you know?" she went on, returning to the table and gathering the stack of plates. "But I just can't help but love it when romantic things happen! You got the teddy and Duo got the roses. Oh roses are so—could you grab those cups for me? Thanks—roses are so romantic. Heero obviously thought so too." She actually _giggled_ as she said that. 

"Has Heero ever given Duo anything else?" I asked. A bunch of cheap flowers couldn't mean much. It was obvious that my teddy bear had cost him more. At that particular moment, I had no idea how true that actually was. 

"I don't know," Hilde shrugged, walking over to the sink and dropping the dirty dishes beside it. I followed her and left my armload of glasses next to the dishes as she went about cleaning the dirty tableware. "I'd imagine they give each other things here and there." She was quietly, scrubbing merrily before adding; "Duo gave Heero his cross." 

"His what?" I was taken aback. I did not think that the little rogue atheist would have something like a cross. It was blasphemous enough that he ran around wearing a priest's shirt during the war with OZ.

"His golden cross," Hilde repeated, still washing. "It meant worlds to him. Something from his past, I gather. He used to wear it all the time. I don't even think he took it off to shower or for bed."

"Why not?" I wondered aloud. "It seems hypocritical to me that someone like Duo would wear a crucifix." 

"Well I couldn't really explain it to you," Hilde answered, her hands pausing for a brief second. "Duo has just as many quirks as Heero does. You know, the strange little things that you can't really even begin to understand unless you were in their heads and had lived their lives. Duo may be one of my best friends, but he doesn't like to share gritty details about himself. He tends to like to pretend like he's always happy, but I'm not dumb enough to fall for that all the time. His name really is very fitting. It's almost like he's two people in one. But I must say, the times that I'm sure that Duo is truly happy, is when he's with Heero. I think those are the times that Heero is really happy too."

"I would hope he's happy now that the war is over," I huffed, not at all pleased with the idea that _Duo_ was the one who made Heero happy. "Everyone should be." 

"He was upset when he had to leave without knowing whether or not Heero would live after the Mariemaia coup," she said softly, pouring some liquid soap onto another dish and scrubbing at it fiercely. "I haven't seen Duo so happy as he is now since then." 

I said nothing and waited for her to finish with the dishes. She had to dry them by hand before putting them back into their proper places in the large wooden hutch in the kitchen. Obviously the fact that she didn't have a washing machine to do all that menial labour for her didn't damper her spirits. She was chattering all the while, telling me that Duo had been the one to build most of the furniture in the house, including the hutch she was setting the plates and glasses away in, that he had painted all the walls and even done much of the finishing work in the house. "This place was falling apart when I first bought it. It was a kind of investment, I suppose, during the war. Afterwards, I had started to fix it up a little bit, but I needed help. Duo was more than happy to come up to the colony with me after the war and do a lot of this kind of work for me. He's an amazing mechanic and artist. I am totally impressed by his talents. He's even been helping me start out a salvage yard. Now that Heero is here, I'm sure he can help get me online and running. God, I'm so lucky to know such well-versed men!" 

"Well that's nice," I commented, not really hearing half of what she had said. "Heero is amazing. He can do everything." 

"Yeah, Duo's told me and now that I've really talked with him, I don't doubt it for a second." 

How was it that _Duo_ knew so much about Heero? Since when did he become an expert? It bothered me that everything Hilde knew about Heero she had heard from Duo. Who knew what kind of lies he had been feeding her? 

__

[If I should choose to die alone,

You should forgive and forget me.] 

She interjected my thoughts yet again with her jabbering mouth. "Well anyway, come upstairs with me. I have some laundry to do, but I can get you something dry to wear. If you want, you can use the shower and you can sleep here if you really want to, I guess." 

"Why not," I mumbled. It almost seemed like neither of us wanted to be in our current situation. Well I sure as hell couldn't blame her. "It's raining too hard for me to get to that hotel anyway." 

"Okay," she said, that cheerful note bouncing back into her voice as she beckoned for me to follow her up the stairs. "We have to go all the way upstairs. That's where my room is and, inevitably, all the laundry. You'll have to forgive the chaos of these two upper floors," she was saying as she started to clamber up the wooden staircase. "Duo seems to find it physically impossible to keep things in order. I keep trying to neat things up somewhat, but he always gets mad at me and says that I'm 'messing with his system.' How he can find anything in his messes, I have no idea." 

The house was laid out in a sort of wrapped fashion. The steps climbed up to a second floor hallway that doubled back around and led to another staircase rose to the third floor. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I saw before me, the half open door of the bathroom, a dim light radiating out into the hall. Hilde led me around the hall, tapping the banister as she nonchalantly walked towards the next staircase. I was busy looking all around me, observing the mural of a Degas style ballerina that predominated the wall space between the two doors along the hallway. 

As I passed the first door, the fact that it was wide open just begged for me to spy inside. The room was a cozy looking place with creamy white walls and antique looking wood and brass furniture, far different from the usual loud bohemian theme that seemed to run throughout the rest of the house. I noticed that bottle of wine Heero had been carrying before sitting on the dresser just adjacent to the bed, flanked by a pair of glass flutes, one half filled with the dark red liquid. The bed was made of brass, with straight bars and round balls crowning the four posts. It was when I saw the bed that I noticed that there was something seriously deranged about this head-game Heero and his strange friends were playing with me. 

Duo, hair long and free of its usual braid, was perched on the crossbar that ran across the foot of the bed, Heero standing before him on the floor, wound tightly in the circle of his limbs as he kissed him aggressively. Heero's fingers were laid gingerly on each of Duo's cheeks as their tongues battled wildly. There seemed to be far too much kissing and coddling between the pair of them than I considered in the safe-zone. I froze right there, unable to tear my eyes away. But it was strange, because I wasn't staring at Heero, as I ought to have been. Rather, my eyes were fastened to the strangely enticing vision of Duo Maxwell's lithe body, his thick chestnut hair spilling over his shoulders in loose strands and flowing down his back in a cascade of chocolate brown. This was a side of the American pilot I had never encountered before. 

Lost in my daze, I watched as Heero slowly pulled his mouth away from the mischievous elf's plush rosy lips, his eyes slowly opening, intoxicated with that same demonic seduction of Duo's that had tempted me. His eyelashes curled over his eyes, darkening them and making his gaze seem even more drunk and hazy. As his fingers slowly played over Duo's cheeks, Duo's eyes slowly ghosted open, his indigo stare laden with that same sleepy hue as he watched Heero from beneath thick eyelashes and half open eyelids. I let out a tiny gasp at the sight. It seemed so wrong and yet, I could not help but feel the heat boiling in the room. It wasn't until Heero noticed my presence and turned his stare towards me, that lust filled connotation frozen over with cold flame the second Duo left his gaze. I suddenly had that feeling like I had intruded upon something very private and intimate for both of them. 

"What are you doing?" he growled, his voice soft and dangerous, like a tiger, ready to strike the second his prey made a false move. I tried to say something, anything, but found myself mute. I glanced quickly at Duo, to see him still clinging to Heero more protective than anything, really. He was looking at Heero questioningly, as if he were trying to understand the thoughts streaming through his mind as he glowered at me. "Get out," the menacing order came in that same soft growling tone. He reached for the door and slammed it hard in my face, making me jump back a few paces, right up against the banister behind me. The door bounced off the frame with the force Heero had flung it closed with, creaking open slightly enough for me to peer in as I slid down the hall towards where Hilde was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. I glimpsed Heero guiding Duo back over the footboard onto his back, his two slender legs still draped over the brass bar on either side of Heero's narrow hips. Heero was slowly rolling the cottony sweatpants down Duo's gangly legs, fingers sliding over his flushed skin, eliciting a gasp from the longhaired sprite. I couldn't quite see more than that as Hilde grabbed me by the arm and dragged upstairs.

__

[If I decide I can't do it anymore,

Try to be so hard; I'm trying to be so fucking hard!]

When we reached the third floor, I found myself standing in a loft bedroom with each wall boldly painted a different colour. There was a large futon spread out on the floor beneath a window that gazed out over the fire escape and the ally where I had seen Hilde before. The room was neatly disorganized, the mass of wet laundry Hilde had rescued from the rain draped over a long old fashioned radiator that ran along the far wall, stacks of papers, bills, account records, letters, forms, and a ton of other miscellaneous business related things littering the floor beside the bed. A low nightstand stood on the other side of the futon, set with a white lamp and a blue analog alarm clock that had two large brass bells sitting atop its round face. The desk on the other side of the room seemed to serve only as a place to keep a stereo system and a fair sized collection of CDs. I could see that most of them were jazz and big band style music. I guessed she was the sort of person who liked to spread herself out when she worked. 

"Sheesh, Miss Relena, if you're going to spend the night, I'd really appreciate it if you'd not get Heero riled up. I hear he can be quite a handful when he's angry and he was so happy earlier. I don't want to see him upset over something silly just when he's come back home," Hilde said as she dragged out a large laundry basket piled with clothes. She plucked the dry items off the radiator and dropped them into the basket and brought it over to the side of the futon, plopping down on it and inviting me to join her as she began to fold the clothes. "Well, home for now I guess. I don't think Heero and Duo will be staying with me much longer. That's too bad."

"What do you mean?" I wondered aloud, reaching for a tee shirt that lay on top of the clothes pile. I held it up and examined it. It was black with a large red rose printed on it. Beneath the rose, the word "Noir" was emblazoned in a loopy cursive print. 

"Well Duo's just gotten settled. I mean, he's even almost finished painting his room," Hilde started to explain. "When Heero came, I think he was just working on the finishing touches—"

I cut her off impatiently, folding the shirt with choppy hand motions. "That's not what I mean! I mean, _why_ would Heero and Duo need to move out? Heero is just… visiting… right? And this is Duo's home… right?" 

"Sort of, kind of, not really," Hilde answered. I wondered just what the hell she was supposed to mean by _that_. "I mean, he's visiting, sure, but I know that wherever he goes, whether he stays here or decides to pack up and go, Duo will follow him. I guess you could just call this a chapter of Duo's life. His staying with me was more like a temporary residence until Heero got well again." 

"I still don't—"

"Oh God, Miss Relena!" It was her turn to cut me off. "Don't tell me that you didn't know! I thought that _everyone_ had found out by now!" 

"Found out _what_?" I asked apprehensively. I almost half knew the answer already, though I was far from ready to hear it. It would just end my world. 

"That Heero and Duo are lovers," she stated plainly, like it was the most ordinary business in the world. 

For a moment, I heard Dorothy asking me to name one thing about Heero that was normal in the first place. I shook it away. I didn't want to think that she was astute enough to see what I had not. How could she have known about this anyway? "L-Lovers?" was all I could manage to stammer. 

"Yeah, lovers, boyfriends, whatever you want to call it," Hilde replied nonchalantly, not even turning to meet my gaze. She pulled out a large tee shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms and tossed them to me. "That's for you to wear. You can go and use the bathroom to change and shower up if you want to. I can finish up here. I'd imagine that Heero and Duo are going to sleep in the guest room, so you can go ahead and use Duo's for tonight." 

"_Lovers?_" I repeated as I stumbled towards the stairs in a daze. Before descending, I asked, "For how long? How long has this… this _perversity_ been going on?"

"As long as I've known Duo. Since the beginning of the war, I think? I'm not totally sure," she told me, still folding her laundry like there was nothing wrong at all. I didn't understand how she could act like that, knowing such a wrong relationship was brewing right under her roof! Didn't she want Duo for herself anyway? I asked her if she did. "No," was the answer, "I kind of knew from the first time I met Duo that he wasn't for me. He's more like a big brother. Hell, even if I did like him, romantically I mean, I could tell that his heart was elsewhere. Somewhere in the stars, I guess." She let out a dreamy sigh and said no more, as if she were silently bidding me to go take my shower. 

__

[If I should choose to keep lying to myself.

Pretend my mind is telling truths.

Well I've got my own so who are you?]

Was that why Heero never showed any interest in me, no matter how hard I tried? Was it that he was too busy drooling over some… some little… _boy_ from the slums? I didn't want to hear it. I didn't even want to think about it. I tried to block it away, tried to wrap myself in a shell so that I didn't have to accept this. I would never admit that Heero didn't love me. 

But then, as I was walking down the hall, past that half open door to the guestroom on my way to the bathroom, short gasps filling the air around me as I moved, I caught a brief peek into the room. I lingered for a moment, taking in the sight of a bare chested Heero lying across the foot of the bed, sipping on a glass of wine as he watched Duo, who was lying on his back, legs spread over the mattress as he pleasured himself, his head thrown back in ecstasy upon the bed's plump feather stuffed pillows. I had never seen a man naked and hard before and the display of Duo flung back upon the bed like that was strangely alluring. 

__

[I know, I know, I know.] 

I quickly made my way to the bathroom, forcing myself to tear my eyes from Duo. As I entered the bathroom, closing the door behind me, I couldn't help but let a shiver run through my body as I recalled the way Heero had been lying there, wrapped in a sheet as his eyes roamed over Duo's body. I could see the heat dancing in his eyes and feel it as it burned his flesh and charred the ambiance of the space around them. I had never seen him look at anyone quite like that before. Yes, this certainly was a Heero I had never met before. 

I fiddled with the shower, trying to find the right temperature and waited for a few moments so the water could heat up. I started to peel my somewhat dried suit off my body, dropping the clothes in a pile on the floor. As I finally pushed the curtain back a bit and stepped into the porcelain tub, the water spraying all over me, I felt like I was drowning for real. The walls had been painted like the bottom of the sea, with a myriad of blues and greens blending all across the walls. There were even a few bubbles, fish and other sea creatures painted here and there to add more realism to the scene. The ceiling had been done to look like the sun was shining down upon the waves above. 

Looking up at the small rack at the back of the shower where a line of bottles sat, I tried to decide which shampoo belonged to Hilde so I could use it. It didn't take long for me to deduce whose shampoo was whose. I figured that the bottles that had "Poison" and "Hazardous Waste" scrawled across them in black marker, complete with skull and crossbones belonged to Duo. Staring at the two bottles, I suddenly felt that it would be odd and somehow wrong to use something that belonged to Duo for something so personal as washing one's self. Stranger still was that I felt like I had no right to wash my hair with the same product Duo used for his beautiful mane of hair. 

And yes, I admit that Duo's hair was beautiful. I admit that Duo Maxwell is beautiful. Just as beautiful as Heero, like he permeated that same sort of awe and mystery, and yet, nothing like him at all. 

I hurried through my shower and quickly dried off, and dressed myself in the pajamas Hilde had lent me. I walked as quickly as I could past the guestroom and that graceful ballerina on my way to Duo's room, not daring to peek in for fear that I would not be able to tear myself away from whatever erotic vision I might behold inside. I just wanted to cloud it away and pretend like it didn't exist. 

__

[If I should choose to fall apart, 

Don't you think you should let me?]

Closing the door behind me as I entered Duo's room at the end of the hall, I let out a quiet sigh, relieve that I would soon be able to get this day over with. Walking over to the wrought iron bed, I plopped down on the edge and took in my lodgings for the night. I heard from somewhere that you could tell a lot about a person by their bedroom. I wondered what I could learn about Duo Maxwell from his bedroom. 

Bathed in a warm glow cast by the light of dozens of Chinese styled lanterns painted the room in a friendly golden hue, like they were filled with millions of fireflies. 

The bedspread I was sitting upon was dark purple, the vast collection pillows piled at the top of the bed ranging from black to violet to deep indigo. Beside the bed was a table with a glass top and slender metal legs to match the bed's black iron frame. A lamp sat on the table, its body a large flat round disk covered with hundreds of tiny magnets, each printed with different words. Some of them had been arranged to form short phrases and sentences. _"I play it cool, and dig all jive,"_ one phrase that caught my eye read. It was a short poem that seemed vaguely familiar_ "That's the reason I stay alive. My motto as I live and learn is: dig and be dug in return."_

A desk sat shoved into a corner of the room. It was covered with sketchbooks and pens and pencils. As Hilde had mentioned, the desk looked like an absolute disaster, as could be said for the rest of the room, but there was a certain air of tradition to it, like that was the way Duo had been doing things for as long as he could remember. By the worn appearance of the chair, it seemed that Duo spent a lot of time bent over that desk. 

The room's one window was hung with heavy satin draperies of a dark purple colour to match the bedspread. The walls were completely wallpapered with posters portraying everything from rock bands to movies to the artwork of various artists. The only wall that was not covered in such a way was across from me. It was a wall that consisted completely of built in bookcases, the white wood sponge painted with black paint, crammed tightly with books, comics, CDs, magazines and all of Duo's other possessions. I had to admit, I was surprised by the amount of actual literature that was on those shelves, and it seemed that there were even more reading material still waiting to be unpacked from the open cardboard boxes scattered here and there across the floor. More than half the books were titles I had never even seen before and a good portion of the collection seemed to have been bought second-hand.

A shelf was dedicated to a very nice looking stereo system, even more high tech than the one Hilde kept up in her room. A ladder standing in the middle of the floor brought my attention to the ceiling above. It looked like Duo was in the process of installing surround sound speakers around his room. But as I flopped back on the bed, my eyes wandering across the ceiling above, I noticed that a sound system was not on the top of Duo's agenda. Instead, it seemed that he was more focused on finishing the angel he had spun out over the plaster canvas. Hilde had mentioned that he was working on a painting earlier. I supposed this was it. I forgot for a moment that Duo was the artist and just lost myself in the angel's beauty. The image was absolutely breathtaking, and to my untrained eye, I could not see anything that needed touching up. There was something about the face that seemed so serene and familiar, like Duo had seen that face every day of his life and knew it by heart. After staring up at it for what seemed ages, I realized why I knew that face so well. Though the expression was alien to me, there was no mistaking that Duo had painted an angelic Heero upon his ceiling. I was suddenly angry at the painting and threw myself over on my stomach and buried my face deep into the pillows so I wouldn't have to look at it. 

__

[If I should choose to die alone,

You should forgive and forget me.]

I realized after a few minutes of silence, that I could still hear Heero and Duo in the next room over. I didn't even want to think about what produced the cries that mingled with the sound of old bedsprings and rustling sheets. I could make dimly make out the sound of Duo chanting Heero's name over and over, as if he were begging for him. 

"God, Heero!" Duo suddenly screamed, vociferous and lucid. The moaning and pleading slowly fell hush after that, and soon all I could hear was my own breathing and their heavy panting through the old house's thin walls. I'm not as naïve as Heero liked to credit me. I knew what was going on over there. 

"Duo?" My ears pricked up at the sound of Heero's voice, so soft and gentle. I had only heard him speak like that once, when he swore he would never kill again. Since I had arrived, I don't think I had heard Heero so serene and loving as he was now. I didn't have to see him to know that he was probably smiling quietly, his eyes sparkling in the muted light. It saddened me somewhat to think that I would never hear him speak that way to me. "Ai shiteru, Duo," he whispered. 

I was numbed with disbelief. Heero, the perfect soldier, had cast away all his shields, all his defenses, just to speak those words to Duo. How was it that a little whelp like him could win Heero's love? I could give Heero the _world_ and yet, he would cast all that away for one little street urchin. My eyes flicked back over to Duo's immense library full of worn and loved books, perhaps a little ragged and frayed, but still full of wisdom and beauty. Was Duo like an old book, whose ratty cover hid more wit and grace than what met the eye? 

"Me too," Duo murmured back. I could tell by the way his voice was hoarse and ragged that he was tired. "Heero?"

"Aa?" 

"Why did you come here?" I could almost hear the fret in Duo's mind twanging his speech. I thought that it was a good question. I wanted to know why Heero had come out here too. 

There was a moment where no words were exchanged and the sound of bedsprings and sheets filled my ears again. I imagined they were kissing again. 

"I wanted to be with you, koibito," Heero answered at long last. He let out a drawn out sigh. More sheets and bedsprings. "I know I have a habit of screwing things up. I'm no good at being a human, but I'm trying, koi. Ever wonder if it's all for you?" 

"Heero…." I'm pretty sure that he embraced Duo here, by the way the bed springs creaked as he moved. And though I was so jealous that Duo was being given this loving attention, the way I had always wished that Heero would treat _me_, I couldn't help but find it all very endearing, in a bittersweet way. 

"Hush, my little Shinigami," Heero silenced his partner. "I'm determined to do this right. I've never been able to do anything the right way before. And I'm sorry this isn't nearly the way I had wished it would happen, but I only had enough money to buy you flowers. And this is far from perfect… but Duo…?"

"Hmm?" 

"Would you…." He was hesitating. I wondered what could fluster him so? "Um, would you…. Would you marry me, Duo?" 

Well he certainly shocked two of us to silence. Then it came, unfurling like a rose in bloom. "Oh God, _yes_ Heero!"

"It's okay I couldn't afford you a ring?" I heard him ask, as if he were unsure that Duo's answer was sincere. Hell, even _I_ could tell that there was not a trace of artificiality in his tone. I touched my cheek and felt a tear splotching my flesh. But it was strange, I didn't feel remorse or anger or jealousy. I felt very… happy…. I was happy and I couldn't even begin to explain why. 

"You don't need to give me a _ring_, Hee-chan! I have you, and that's all I need," I heard him exclaim. Knowing Duo, I would imagine that he was attacking Heero with a barrage of hugs and cuddles. And for the first time, the word I put with the scene was not 'disgusting' or 'gross' but 'cute.' 

…And 'beautiful.' Most of all beautiful…. I realized for the first time what it was that Heero had been talking about before he'd left the day before. My love for him had been conditional, like a conquest that once won, I would toss away. I had wanted to change him to suit _me_ instead of just accepting him as he was. But Duo did not want to win Heero over or mold him in any way. He loved Heero just the way he was and wouldn't change a bit of it for the world. 

"You wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with me?" Heero asked. I was actually straining my ears to hear all of his words. 

"No," Duo breathed in response. "No I wouldn't mind spending my life with you. I couldn't live with it any other way." 

And you know what was so strange? As I curled under Duo's quilt, hugging one of his many pillows close to my chest, the slightly lavender scented cushions somehow more comforting than the warm fur of the teddy that was lying on my bed back at home, I realized that I would not have it any other way either. I fell asleep with a mysterious wave of peace washing over me for the first time in a long while, like a great burden had been lifted from my chest. I now knew that I could never have Heero for my own. He had given his heart away a long time ago to a poor little boy who was just as lost and alone as he was. A little boy who had nothing to give him in return but his own undying love and dedication. 

I think I fell in love with another person that night. Not in a romantic longing sense, as I had lusted after Heero, but truly genuine admiration had certainly sprouted for Duo Maxwell. And that night, as I sailed through my dreams, I felt like I was flying away towards the stars on silken butterfly wings and faerie dust. 

__

[If I should choose to fall apart,

Don't you think that you should let me?

If I should choose to die alone,

You should forgive and forget me.

You should forgive and forget me.

You should forgive and forget… me….] 

O^^^O

oO^ Owari ^Oo

****

A/N ~ Sorry if the end seemed a little rushed, but I kind of wanted to wrap this up. Err, I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for my next story, okay? I promise it'll be worth you're while. Hell, even _I_ kind of like it! Oh, and by the way, that poem that's on Duo's lamp is by Langston Hughes. I came across it and decided it did better than what I had originally in that spot. He's got some fun poetry if you wan to check him out. Okay, now I'm done. 


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